On the raising of children -- Why "sheltering" is not enough.

Watching children at different ages, it's easy to see how much influence their parents have on them -- both their interests and often even their choices of words when they talk. It's clear that what goes into a child's mind and heart has a strong influence on what comes out later. At the same time, it's also clear that people make their own choices - parents can't make their kids do or be anything as adults.

Over the last number of years, I've seen some cases where children were raised with Christian faith, but without understanding - faith had been something forced upon them. It had been their parents' faith, but never really their own, except for the outward, unquestioned belief of a child. However, that is neither right, nor sufficient. As parents, we must work to develop the hearts and minds of our children, so that they themselves make the right choices.

I want my kids, when they grow up, to go to Church, not because they know I want them to, but because they themselves know why and desire God. Likewise, in morality, I want them to be good, kind, and humble people not because they know I'd be disappointed in them if they cheated on their spouses (for example), but because they know why that is important.

I think the desire to shelter children is understandable and, to an extent, good.  There are somethings that no sane parent would want to expose their children to, especially at a young age.  However, sheltering children from the evil in the world around them doesn't make that evil go away and doesn't mean that they won't have to know how to deal with it someday.

We should try to preserve our children's innocence but, in the end, the kind of Christian innocence that we want them to have as adults can't be a sheltered innocence, the result of lack of knowledge, a "passive" innocence.  Rather, it must be an informed, *active* innocence, that allows them not to be isolated, but rather to be in the midst of the evil and suffering around them, humbly and lovingly serving those that are broken and in need, while preserving their own hearts whole and intact.  As Pascha shows us, God Himself didn't keep Himself aloof and isolated from us in our sins and brokenness, but rather went and ate and drank with us, and ultimately suffered for us, in all of our sins.  In all of this, He didn't lose His own innocence or purity, but rather imparted it to us.  But how to do that?  Hmm...

How do we, as parents, give our children the right tools? How do we properly equip their hearts and minds so that they can stand on their own two feet as mature adults? What do you, as parents, do that you find helpful or less than helpful? (Sorry for the length - just thinking about this today). I sincerely appreciate any advice or insight.